I would like to be able to say I have been working hard this week but I can’t. This week I have been ill with a bout of headaches, ones that got so bad I had to take ridiculously strong co-codamol tablets to take away the pain. The knock on effect was that it has given me writers block. My mind is a fog that I can’t seem to see through at the moment.
And writers block is a bit rubbish when you have a weekly blog you need to write plus scripts for your YouTube videos. Luckily I have a script I had already done a couple of weeks ago and filmed then to tide me over for a few days. I had to skip my weekly vlog as I didn’t have the energy left to edit it and get it online (plus I couldn’t see straight by this point).
And so I have had a week where I feel like I don’t have much to contribute to the online world but I have been having some ideas about my life floating around in my head.
I keep constantly thinking about my financial and employment status and how I can (and need to) improve it. My ultimate goal is to have a mortgage within the next ten years and I have moments that sway between this being an impossible goal to feeling like it is achievable if I stay on task. Currently I am unemployed and on disability benefits as it is deemed that my ASD, and the anxiety and depression it has been causing, is too bad for me to be able to work. I hope this won’t be the case forever, mainly because there is no chance of me getting a mortgage on benefits and I would need some form of steady income. A full time job appears to be out of the question as I end up back were I have no quality of life anymore and I will just end up in the same position I am in now.
And this brings me to thinking about self-employment. If I earn enough by being self-employed I could still get a mortgage but I can make the hours work for me and could even work from home if it was the right kind of job. But what self-employed job could I do?
I would have liked to have trained to be a dog groomer but a) there’s already established dog groomers in my area, and, b) I would need to invest money I couldn’t afford to lose if it didn’t work out.
There’s a potential for me to buy stuff online to sell on for profit and I have a couple of places to be able to bulk buy things at low cost that wouldn’t require as much money being sunk into it so I wouldn’t be risking as much if it didn’t work (even then I could probably still make my money back in the long run). This does require a lot of work being put into it and the profit made, if successful, wouldn’t be particularly high for the amount of energy required. It’s definitely one to stick a pin in for now.
I also thought it could be interesting to work as an extra on film and tv. It’s not regular work (but that’s fine because then I wouldn’t be burnt out too easily from it) and it’s something I could do around another potential job for a little extra cash.
My dream job would, obviously, be to write for a living. I have ideas, I have some projects started, but I don’t know we’re to go with it. I don’t know the first step into being able to turn what is in my head into a viable income.
I do have some things I do for extra little bits of cash and vouchers but that’s just to help pay the bills or save up for Christmas but, at the moment at least, I’m only keeping my head above water with my finances because I’m having to use my savings to pay for my food (benefits don’t cover all my outgoings and even if I didn’t have to pay for a cat as well it still wouldn’t cover my rent and bills).
I haven’t made a decision on what I want to do yet but I have some more time to think about it while quarantine carries on. There are some other issues going on that make the situation more complicated, including losing confidence in myself and my abilities.
For now, I’ll continue to ponder and maybe try to get some kind of project finished and try and see if I can find that first step to something.