Adult With Autism: All or Nothing

I have what other people might think to be an extreme personality, I am an all or nothing type of person.

My latest thing is wanting to move to a new property. The house I live in has a lot of problems and the landlady is side-stepping having to the things that are neccessary. There’s damp and mold everywhere, no underlay under the carpets (and the carpets are not properly fitted and in poor condition), huge gaps along skirting boards etc etc. Luckily my tenancy is up for renewal in September so I can start looking for a new place in July but I have obviously already started looking, even though it is pointless right now.

I have already made a list of what I need to be looking out for in a new property (the thing I won’t compromise on) and I have been obsessing over packing.It’s too early to pack but I have planned out how I want to pack and I have even made a list what needs to be packed into what, what’s going to be getting moved using my mums car, what needs a van and what I could simply carry round to a new place myself.

I have even been looking at properties online to see what is available in the area and affordable, although having a cat drastically limits the amount of properties to look at. I have even been looking at properties that are for sale when I don’t even have a deposit and would never be able to get a deposit while being on benefits but I can dream (some billionaire may just randomly deposit the £200k I would need to buy a house, pay fees and do any work needed into my bank account, it could happen right?).

I have always been like this. When I get an idea into my head I go all in with it or I don’t do it at all. I trained and qualified to be a teaching assistant because I got the idea in my head that that would make a good career change, it wasn’t unfortunately (I end up with the same problems as working in retail). It makes it increasingly hard to concentrate on anything else until I have completed the task, which means nothing I need to get done actually gets done.

Doing the YouTube videos has also been like this but I have managed to make myself back off a little before it burns me out. I spent the first few weeks doing nothing apart from working on it, researching information for scripts, writing scripts, filming, learning how to edit, uploading videos and obsessing over how many subs and views I was getting. I was doing this from 8am -10pm every day with hardly any breaks to actually eat and drink anything.

And this obsessive nature can also spill over into other aspects of my life, particularly relationships. When I like someone then they’re all I can think about and I can’t get things done until I can see them again. I have learnt to also take a step back from this as well using other things to distract me or obsess over.

Since learning I have ADHD I am guessing this is an aspect of that, possibly with a little of my personality mixed it.

Now I just need to find something a little healthier or more productive to obsess over for now.


Author: AdultsWithAustism

I decided I wanted to do something positive with my life and speak out about what it feels like to be an adult with autism.

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