This past week has been quite a rough one for me.
Firstly, I keep getting terrible headaches that only powerful tablets, such as co codamol, will help with. As I’m writing I’m waiting for tablets to kick in after I started with a headache yesterday and is still lingering about quite painfully. These headaches are almost crippling when they occur. It’s always the right side of my head but they also affect that side of my face as well, which means wearing my glasses is impossible because it hurts more. These headaches always seem to come about if I get too hot, too cold or I’ve not quite drunk enough fluids but I can never tell beforehand if I’m doing enough to keep them at bay.
At the end of last week I received the results of my PIP assessment and they scored me 0. Anyone who is diagnosed as autistic can not possibly score 0 on a PIP assessment, the very definition of our diagnosis contradicts a 0 score. I’ve ranted about this a lot in other places as well. I wrote a 6 page letter and opened a mandatory reconsideration and now I have more waiting for the results of that. Luckily, I currently have some fight in me so I will fight this all the way as I can’t survive without the financial support while I’m unable to work.
I had my latest appointment with my Dr over the phone and she was really great with me. We talked about my anxiety and I have been given tablets that I just take when I feel anxious rather than every day so that I don’t get stuck with the side effects constantly. She also recommended that I self-refer for counselling so I got on that straight away. I figured there would be a backlog and I would get an appointment for months possibly but I was wrong. I was called the beginning of this week and my appointment is less than an hour away from the time I’m writing this. Unfortunately, it’s a telephone appointment. Talking to a stranger on the telephone is my idea of hell so I need to talk to them about putting off this counselling until I can see someone face-to-face or the appointments are not going to be beneficial at all, the may even make me worse.
I’m also dealing with confusing emotions this week due to stuff happening in my family. My dads dad passed away a couple of days ago and I don’t know how I feel about it as he’s not someone I was particularly close to, I haven’t seen him for a few years. My dad is my step-dad and has been around since I was 18 so his parents are not people I grew up with or have a strong bond with. I feel like I should be more upset than I am but maybe it’s also because I’m stuck at home and can’t visit that it almost doesn’t seem real. My grandad (mums dad) is also extremely ill. He’s been sent home from the hospital to be able to pass away more comfortably and it’s a matter of when rather than if. I grew up with my grandad taking my brother and I out on the weekends and I have lots of childhood adventure stories from these times but we haven’t been close since I grew up. He wasn’t really interested in spending time with us when we grew up and were too old for adventures and he has even passed me on the street without even recognising me. So, again, I don’t know how I feel about losing him from my life when he hasn’t been part of it for quite some time now. Because I live far away from my hometown I won’t be able to attend his funeral when he does pass away as I wouldn’t be able to travel there with the restrictions that are currently in place.
Today will be spent mainly catching up on reading so that I can try and relax and not have to wear glasses, as well as drinking as much as I possibly can to try and shift this latest headache.
I hope anyone reading this is having a better week than I am. Stay safe.