Autism and celebrations

It’s that time of year again when I get older, yep it’s my birthday soon and it’s another day were Autism has a battle with my personality. It’s not quite as bad as Christmas because I don’t really get gifts on my birthday but it’s worse because all the attention is on me and that type of attention makes me feel embarrassed. Being embarrassed makes me feeling incredibly uncomfortable and that just leads down a slippery slope that can easily end up with freaking out and wanting to hide for the rest of the year. My personality relishes getting gifts, who doesn’t love it when you’re bought a whole pile of presents? So you can see why there is always this internal battle on these days.

I only just about survived Christmas at my parents. It was three days of being overwhelmed, feeling ignored, not feeling appreciated and needed a break when I got back just to get over it. There was nothing in the house for me to drink and no shops nearby to get anything from, I ate chocolate for breakfast because there was nothing for me to eat, my Christmas meal was half the size of everyone else’s because of my dietary needs (not connected to autism, I’m lactose intolerant) and I was bought a bunch of stuff that’s just going to sit in a box for a year. I know that I shouldn’t be ungrateful and appreciate what I have, I know people have it worse etc but I really can’t help the way I’m wired. The stuff I asked for for Christmas was all practical stuff for my house or to make my life easier, I even asked for an Autism lanyard that would make my life outside the house a lot easier but I was bought clothes I’ll never wear (and I already have way too many clothes), a whole pile of chocolate and sweets and other random bits that I don’t use, like a diary. I never use diaries as I forget to write in them and I have various things around the house that help me remember anything I need to.

It was nice to get back home and to a bit of normality. I spent Boxing Day with my partners family after getting a bunch of gifts I love on Christmas Day from him (and most of it I asked for) but now I have to dread another day we’re the focus is on me and pretend to be happy about any attention I receive. This year I haven’t been able to do my usual routine of diverting the attention into things around me. My plan to divert attention away from me is to do something big on my birthday. In the past I’ve gone to London a couple of times, including last year with my mum to see Aladdin in the West End, and I even planned a whole 10 day trip to Vegas when I turned 30. I haven’t had chance to do that this year as I have had too much going on in other aspects of my life so I haven’t had time to look into it. Instead me and my partner are going for a meal at a Steakhouse, which could be amazing but could also be a nightmare as I’m very particular about my steak being cooked perfectly medium rare. I know he’s only got me one gift and I already know what it is so I don’t have any surprises coming my way at least.

Let’s hope my birthday manages to run smoothly and I’ll let you all know how it went in a few days.


Author: AdultsWithAustism

I decided I wanted to do something positive with my life and speak out about what it feels like to be an adult with autism.

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