It is my day off today and I have barely done anything. A quick run down of today goes like this: woken at 5am by cat wanting breakfast, can’t get back to sleep so play games, cat has vets appointment but hides and can’t get him into his carrier (cancel appointment), cry for ten minutes in frustration, guy comes to check broken over and still have broken oven, more games, plenty of tv shows. And then I get a text from my boss.
It was the silliest text about the stupidest of subjects, something that could have easily waited until I was at work. What my boss doesn’t realise is how that text affects me even though everyone at work is aware that I’m on the spectrum and my boss’ own partner has Aspergers so should be more aware than most about how my emotions can be affected by the little things. I’m frustrated that I was text about something trivial on my day off considering I’m already working too many hours, to the point that is affecting my ability to function at all outside of work. I’m also going into typical over thinking mode; has someone said something to my boss or lied about something (not just my paranoia, this has actually happened on more than one occasion out of spite) or was it just a casual text that was actually sent to everyone who was in that day?
So now I’m trying to block out the fact I received this text, trying to not dwell on what I am going to walk into tomorrow (again this is a common feeling that I have due to experience) and trying to push away the overall feeling of how much I hate working where I do but have no choice because of bills and rent that need paying. I am fully aware that I work in a very toxic environment and it is exactly the opposite of the type of place I should be working but I feel trapped there at the moment.
The little things that other people do absentmindedly have a huge impact on me, the silliest things get to me whereas things that should affect me simply don’t. What would be helpful is if more people thought about what it is they want to say and how they want to say it.