Relationships

By ‘relationships’ I mean more the intimate kind rather than other types of relationships in this post because both types are minefields of their own!

I haven’t seemed to have found it difficult to get into a relationship with someone, it’s the keeping it going that I have difficulty with. I think that’s mainly because, as a female, I mask my autism very well and come across as quirky, different, unique etc but once I’m in a relationship that’s when the difficulties begin.

I seem to go through a particular pattern when in a relationship. I’m full of energy and bubbly at the start, which causes high expectations from the other person, then I become drained and tired and don’t find myself doing as much or making as much effort, arguing kicks in and that’s always the beginning of the end. I always dwell on what I could have done and what more effort I could have put in etc and I swear to change and try more next time but it never happens. One of the things about getting a diagnosis is that maybe the next relationship will have more an element of understanding with it rather than the other person believing I don’t do things because I’m lazy rather than I’m not doing it because I’m having a meltdown.

The worst thing to do in this situation is blame yourself. And, believe me, I have been there in the past. Also, don’t let anyone else blame you for the things you can’t control. You can not cure your autism, it is not your fault and there are limits to what you can do to change your behaviour patterns. If someone else’s actions cause you to have a meltdown or not be able to cope with things and they know this then it is not your fault. It is there’s.

Of course there are things you can do yourself to help limit the times you can’t cope. Ask your gp for help and support. Look at your local community to see if there are support groups. Look online for charities to contact for help. As well as reaching out reach inwards. What things you do make you calmer? What do you enjoy to do that you can immerse yourself in? For me, it’s simple things like books, computer games, reading or a soak in the bath. Doing these things helps me to prevent meltdowns but having to share my time with someone else makes it harder to find the time to do them. But it’s best to communicate these things to the other person and explain that it’s the personal but that you just need to go off and do what you need to do.

Ultimately, I need to find the balance between me time and us time for any future relationship I may have.

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Author: AdultsWithAustism

I decided I wanted to do something positive with my life and speak out about what it feels like to be an adult with autism.

One thought on “Relationships”

  1. AdultsWithAustism, your blog will soon be added to our Actually Autistic Blogs List (anautismobserver.wordpress.com). Please click on the “How do you want your blog listed?” link at the top of that site to customize your blog’s description on the list (or to decline).
    Thank you.
    Judy (An Autism Observer)

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